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Saturday, May 22, 2004 |
Glaus, Game Shows, And GEICO
This is like a bad GEICO ad:
Glaus (groggily): Uh... the good news?
Yocum: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance...
The doctor who performed surgery on Glaus' right shoulder found "significant damage," according to Manager Mike Scioscia, and the odds of Glaus returning to play this year appear slim. He'll wear a sling for the next 10-14 days before being re-examined and planning out a physical therapy plan.Yocum: Troy ... there's bad news and good news. The bad news is, you'll never play again."There's a lot of work ahead of Troy before he considers even thinking about playing this year," Scioscia said.
Glaus (groggily): Uh... the good news?
Yocum: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance...
(Props to Stephen Smith for that idea.) But if this is an ad, it means somewhere there's gotta be a reality TV show where the team has to find a replacement player either at center or third base. Thus, we cut to the unwarranted return of the third base version of ... Elimidate! And here's the contestants:
- Contestant Number 1: Raul Mondesi! AP recently suggested we're pursuing him, despite a career that seems startlingly close to ending. Mondi's always been one of those guys who's never quite put it together for any team he's played for, a five-tool-player hit hard by inflation. Besides, quitting a major league contract -- for whatever reason -- doesn't strike me as the heart-of-a-champion kinda guy we need to win the division. More like, heart-of-a-couch slug. But, at least we don't have to unload the farm to pick up this guy. Update: Mariners Wheelhouse has a fantastic and all-too-believable analysis of Mondi's abandonment of his contract: essentially, he's doing it to improve his situation.
- Contestant Number 2: Aaron Boone! Boone, last seen doing a bad Michael Jordan impression in the offseason, is nursing a busted knee. A solid third baseman at the hot corner for the Reds, Boone proved a bust with the Yanks (except for his get-outta-my-park homer in the ALCS). Boone's got a lotta teams pursuing him -- including his former club, the Yankees, and the Red Sox and Dodgers -- but none of them want him back at third. There's two problems I have with Boone, namely
- He's never hit well in the AL.
- He's never hit well outside the NL Central.
- Contestant Number 3: Dallas McPherson. With power to spare and good strike zone knowledge, D-Mac was a question mark at the hot corner what with Glaus manning the position. But with D-Mac still needing further seasoning in the minors, he's a good year or more away from the big club -- hey, who let the jailbait in here? Still, if his ID card says he's the right age, then he's okay with us.
- Then there's Shea Hillenbrand, Contestant Number 4. No longer affordable on an Arizona team flailing at the bottom of the division, Shea's on-again-off-again bat might be available at the July trade deadline, but you can be sure the rebuilding Snakes will demand names that might include Contestant Number 3, Dallas McPherson.
- Likewise for the Chisox, who're reported to be shopping their third baseman José Valentin. José's an older model, but he's still got some pop with a .776 OPS last year. Available at the trade deadline only for other players, Kenny Williams has already proved himself a complete idiot by demanding too much for probably-won't-re-sign-anyway Magglio Ordoñez. Maybe if the team gets desperate, but no way for D-Mac.
Comments:
Here are my thoughts on Mondesi:
He Succeeded in Making Scott Boras Look EthicalFrom Econ to ChemistryPersonally, I wouldn't mind in the least if the Angels pick him up. I just hope you do so quickly, before Bavasi has an opportunity to decide Mondesi is exactly what the Mariners need.
He Succeeded in Making Scott Boras Look EthicalFrom Econ to ChemistryPersonally, I wouldn't mind in the least if the Angels pick him up. I just hope you do so quickly, before Bavasi has an opportunity to decide Mondesi is exactly what the Mariners need.
God, I hate how many outs we throw away with useless sacrifices. ,mattkew
# posted by 
: 5/22/2004 08:29:00 PM
: 5/22/2004 08:29:00 PMNewer› ‹Older
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