6-4-2 — an Angels/Dodgers double play blog

First of all, once they sign The Flash, the Yankees would be wise to restructure their team entirely around him. To do anything less would be foolish and counterproductive, as I shall demonstrate below.

By way of review, the Flash is a man of ordinary dimensions, but possessing one important superpower. He can run at the speed of light. To a baseball team, this is a huge advantage, but only if managed prudently.

To begin with, when the Yanks are in the field, all other position players (except the pitcher and catcher) must congregate along the baseline, and step out of play the instant the pitch is delivered. This is to avoid death or serious injury via collision with The Flash once the ball is in play. The Flash can handle all fielding himself. It doesn't matter much where he positions himself, but short center field would do nicely.

Obviously, his speed will permit him to field any fly balls, and most ground balls, before they hit the ground. Because we can assume that he has only normal amateur catching abilities, it is presumed that he will drop some of these balls, at which point he merely needs to pick them up and run to first base. At the speed of light, this should eliminate the likelihood of ANY hits by the opposing team, other than balls that leave the stadium. (Unlike Superman, the Flash cannot fly, so the Yanks will be vulnerable to home runs. As a strategic move to counteract this, the Yanks would intentionally walk most power hitters. Virtually all of them will remain on base through three outs obtained by the Flash's amazing fielding abilities; most will be doubled off base as The Flash fields the ball, and races to second then first. )

This overall strategy would probably mean that the average number of runs against the Yankees would be less than one. A two-run game would be a rarity.

But what about when the Yanks are batting? The Flash is only one of nine men in a lineup. How much damage can he do?

Overwhelming damage, as you will see, though his value will be limited so long as the opposing managers did the appropriate strategic maneuvers.

Obviously, if he is pitched to with the bases empty, the Flash hits a home run nearly every time he gets up. Why? Because all he needs to do is lay down a bunt, and he will be around the bases before the ball even hits the ground. (This is even allowing for a slight but necessary voluntary diminution of speed; at the speed of light, the Flash's trip around the bases would not be visible to the umps, so he would have to slow himself to the point where he was a visible blur. This is not a problem; a one-second trip around the bases would suffice in most all situations.)

So the canny opposing manager (Lou Piniella, for example) will walk The Flash whenever he comes to bat with the bases empty. Moreover, by walking the batter in FRONT of the Flash when necessary, the opposing manager can make sure the Flash very seldom gets up with the bases empty. (Obviously, Joe Torre would bat the Flash first in the lineup, so that every game he gets at least one bases-empty at bat. Even if he is walked, he will score any time a Yankee batting behind him hits into fair territory - he will score on a ground ball, and he will "tag up" and score on a caught fly ball. The Yanks start almost every game 1-0.)

But let's say in midgame you have The Flash at bat with no out and a runner on first, via a strategic walk. The Flash's speed is diminished as a weapon, since rules say that if he passes another baserunner on the basepaths, he is out. Suddenly, for all intents and purposes, The Flash is forced to run at human speed, should he get on base.

Now, if I were Joe Torre, if there was one out or less, I would instruct the baserunner to simply attempt to steal, and if he were successful, to keep running, until he was tagged out. Then the Flash can do his thing, and there is a certain run.

In addition to this huge advantage (pretty much guaranteeing at least four or five runs a game, even if no other Yankee gets a hit) I think we should remember that with The Flash handling all fielding chores, the Yanks do not have to worry at all about the fielding competency of its other players. Torre can simply stack the lineup with guys who can hit.

The average Yankees win, with the Flash, would be by a score of roughly 7-0, sometimes 7-1. It would be a big story when they lost a game; it would probably lead the network news.

Update: I have to disagree with the author when he claims that only home runs would evade The Flash; what is a home run but a long flyball? For The Flash, a homer would merely be another exercise in timing, zipping to a position just three or so feet in front of the plate to await -- milli- or microseconds later -- the ball to jump off the hitter's bat. In fact, The Flash could immediately dispense with most pop flies in such a manner. The problem, of course, would be that batters would, perhaps correctly, object that any such balls would otherwise be foul tips. Certainly, the umpires would have no way of knowing.

From this point of view, then, The Flash's ideal position would either be on the mound -- assuming he could be taught to pitch -- or behind the plate at catcher. Assume he takes the mound. As a pitcher, he would be in an ideal position to field any balls that actually came off a batter's bat. But let us extend this a bit further. Since The Flash has superhuman speed in his legs, mightn't he also have superhuman speed in his arms as well? And since, as Nolan Ryan and Roger Clemens taught us, so much of pitching is in the hips and legs, an area we already would assume is part of his super-portfolio, wouldn't that give him a supersonic fastball? Such a ball would be unbelievably intimidating; not only would each pitch generate a sonic boom, but any batter unlucky enough to actually make contact with it using a normal wood bat would find himself with a long splinter, and possibly, broken bones in the hands and wrists as the impact traveled up the handle if the ball were to hit anywhere but on the sweet spot.

This presents a problem, however. Certainly, it seems unlikely a normal human catcher, no matter how tough, could hang onto an 800 MPH fastball. With kinetic energy increasing as the square of velocity, the impact would be sixty-four times that due to balls thrown by the game's hardest throwers, such as Brad Lidge or Bobby Jenks; equipment would have to be toughened to withstand the repeated pounding, not to mention simply making it possible for a catcher to even receive such a pitch.

This of course brings up another point: what if The Flash were to issue a wild pitch with his hypersonic heater? The effect would be that of an artillery shot, impaling whatever or whoever it impacted, catcher, hitter, or possibly damaging the park itself. Even wearing extraordinary protective gear, a catcher would risk life and limb, as he would have no way to react to a fastball arriving at the plate 50 milliseconds after it was thrown. (Of course, this also suggests that umpires could never call a balk on The Flash, simply because his windup would be imperceptible save through slow-motion cameras.) And not only the players would be at risk: a pitch hitting the screen would certainly penetrate it, killing whoever it struck immediately and brutally.

So the danger of The Flash pitching is clear; we can't let him do it. What about catching? That seems more likely; The Flash would then have, at least, a clear means within the scope of the current rules to ply his trade on the diamond without harming anyone, so long as he is forbidden to throw to second. That's okay, as no team would dare run on him; by the time the opposing runner got a third of the way off first base, The Flash would merely show up at second and tag him out, perhaps from behind to show a little panache.

With The Flash behind the dish, moreover, he also has a legitimate means for catching foul tips uncontestable by the umpires and batters alike. He would extend the career of any pitcher throwing in front of him, as virtually no batted balls would ever make it off their bats. Bert Blyleven, say, could come out of retirement to pitch major league games. It would be the greatest catchers' ERA in the history of the game.

// posted by Rob @ 11:44 PM link  //  12 comments