Wednesday, April 21, 2004 |
Nofuey
But, like all disagreements between parties where the decisions are being made by one side alone, a simple explanation can go a long way. Say you give your unemployed brother-in-law fifty grand to start a business marketing a meat-based tofu substitute called "Nofu." And say that after two months he's sold $6.50 worth of product, all to the Army for use in the Guantanamo Bay confinement camp. You'd be a little annoyed, right? But what if your brother-in-law showed you evidence that a new species of bean curd weevil was poised to wipe out traditional sources of tofu, and that everyone who loves the freakish texture and disturbing cubism of tofu will be forced to buy his product at a premium in a month?Naturally, adopting the pseudo-wisdom gibberish of The Matrix, the truth is that there are no tofu weevils, just as there is no reason for Erstad to be batting second, or for Ortiz to be in the rotation. Lackey, on the other hand, tonight gave those of us watching the games a little hope -- for the first time this year, he collected a strikeout, no, make that two strikeouts, making a grand total of... lessee here ... carry the one ... that's three, three strikeouts! Ha ha ha! Okay, Sesame Street Count imitations aside, it was easily John's* best outing this year, giving up only (!) three earned runs in 6 2/3 innings. In fact, except for the seven strikeouts Ranger starter R. A. Dickey collected, both had remarkably similar lines:
| Starter | IP | H | R | ER | BB | SO | HR | Dickey | 7 | 6 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 7 | 0 | Lackey | 6.2 | 7 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 0 |
Even their last names are only off by a syllable. For a guy born without his ulnar collateral ligament -- i.e., the thing they replace in Tommy John surgery -- the guy did amazingly well.
But.
It's clear some things need to change. The Angels won't make those changes. We'll keep hearing about those tofu weevils. And the Angels will keep losing, just like they did tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, I present your third-place Angels.
I remember a time when I was really optimistic about this team. Honest. And now, Bobby Jenks has injured his pitching elbow for the second time in two years. Jenks was one of those guys who Arte was counting on to offset some of the expensive free agents he's been buying lately. I've been high on Jenks for a while, but between him and Keystone Kop Casey Kotchman, it's looking like injuries are going to eat this team's best prospects alive.
Update: Oh, yeah, and Scioscia -- pinch running José for Benjie?? No, doofus, you use Figgy for that. Yeah, Kennedy GIDPs immediately thanks to that move. Sheesh.
*Did anybody else notice the homepage screwup where he's been renamed "Robert Lackey"? Maybe he's been replaced with somebody else all this time. Whatever, can we just get the guy who can make his outs back?
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