Friday, November 18, 2005 |
Mastering The Art Of Duckspeak
"You need a great leader who has won, who knows how to win the last game of the season, who can relate to every player young and old, who won't be outmaneuvered by the other manager," said Colletti. "Somebody well-rounded who will communicate with me daily. We won't manage the manager, but we have to all know what we're doing."Uh huh. So now we find out that the Dodgers are interviewing Jim Fregosi -- and, holy merde! -- Terry Collins? Well. They might be able to conjugate Sweet Lou's full name into a sentence, but that doesn't mean he's a-comin'. And as for the others, we don't know if Collins is really a candidate, and Fregosi doesn't even meet the new Dodger honcho's alleged standards.
But one by one, those standards have disappeared. Only three weeks ago, McCourt said "we want Dodgers here", a specification that, if followed to its logical conclusion, would pack the court with Tommy Lasorda cronies. So once Ned Colletti made the cut, we knew this was never really a criterion, but words that probably came from Lasorda just a few minutes before the press conference. Unsurprising, then, that Fregosi's name is now in the ring. Fregosi, in case you forgot or didn't know, had an undistinguished managerial career, with an overall losing record (1028-1095), losing records at each franchise he's run (save Toronto), and postseason losses comprising a first round exit with the '79 Angels, and a 4-2 World Series loss with the '93 Phillies. Call it the Lake Woebegone Effect for managers: in the new Dodger universe, every manager, no matter what his career win-loss record, is above average. Whatever happens, you can be certain Colletti will hire a grade-A pasteurized Holstein, i.e. a certified baseball man, for the job, and that public announcements made even last week will go out the window once the right glad-handing goes on.
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