6-4-2 — an Angels/Dodgers double play blog

Astros 11, Dodgers (ss) 3

Mariners 4, Dodgers (ss) 3

Far too many years ago, before adipose tissues enveloped my once-scraggly frame and gray hairs infested my beard, I fell stupidly, head-over-heelsly in love with a girl. We were both in college at the time, and our first social visit was at her hospital bed following a rather tricky operation that could have left her paralyzed from the neck down. Fortunately, things went well, and perhaps as something of a flyer, upon recovery she requested -- nay, demanded -- my solo presence following a group visit.

She was model-thin, and if it hadn't been for a hooked nose that gave her a Rogers and Hart visage, model-gorgeous as well. That is to say, she was well out of my league, something I rather quickly discovered five months or so later when she got bored with me. Though I clung to the notion that something could be worked out between us for the better part of a year, reality and -- more important -- another girlfriend set in.

It's a part of my life I revisit around this time every year, because I vividly remember the date of our first meeting: April Fool's Day, 1982. And like that long-lost love with its star-crossed opening day, this year's Dodgers strike me as meretriciously attractive: just underneath an All-Star glow is a 25-man roster destined to break your heart. Certainly, the Dodgers' offseason couldn't have gone any less catastrophically:

• Reaching an impasse between their general manager and field manager over the quality and playing time of the talent, Paul DePodesta summarily fired Jim Tracy.
• This was followed weeks later by the firing of Paul DePodesta, a move that brought hosannahs from the hyenas in the Times. The expulsion added to an already lengthy list of executives and others fired in the wake of Hurricane Frank.
• Having fired DePodesta just in time for the winter meetings, the Dodgers sent Kim Ng to fill in. While she failed to acquire any of the few top-tier bats available, I do not fault her for this; indeed, I consider it a testament to her intestinal fortitude (or her extensive collection of blackmail photography) that she is still in the employ of the Los Angeles Dodgers Professional Baseball Club.
• Then the Dodgers started looking for a GM; the candidates came down to
  • Veteran GM Pat Gillick, who eventually took a pass to work for the Phillies.
  • Perpetual self-promoter and chronic pitching misevaluator Jim Bowden.
  • The she's-too-good-for-the-job candidate, Kim Ng.
  • The man who thought $250 million over 10 years was a good deal for A-Rod, former Rangers GM John Hart.
  • Larry Beinfest, whose candidacy seems to have been a whole-cloth invention of the Daily News.
  • Tommy Lasorda's heartthrob, Bobby Valentine, in what was reputed for a time to be a dual GM/manager role, the kind of thing that hasn't been seen since the deadball era.
  • Frank's white whale, Theo Epstein, who eventually reunited with Boston, but not before tactfully withdrawing from the whole crazy front office scene.
  • Former Astros GM, Jerry Hunsicker, who ditched the Dodgers to take the GM job with the Devil Rays. The Devil Rays!
  It used to be that the Dodgers were a plum job, but so low had the team's estate fallen, that they ended up settling on former Giant AGM Ned Colletti, a man who still hasn't figured out that the losers start at second place.
• The Dodgers' offseason comedy continued with their field manager search. Pressed for time and ideas, the Dodgers
  • Floated the idea of managing to Angels pitching coach Buddy Black -- who had never managed a day in his life.
  • Flirted again with Bobby Valentine (he of the career .510 winning percentage), who took a pass and decided to re-up with his Japanese club, the Chiba Lotte Marines.
  • Jim Fregosi, whose very mention under DePodesta cause Tommy Lasorda's toes to curl in a particularly repulsive manner?
  • Sent a flyer to Devil Rays bench coach Don McLaren. So much for earlier pronouncements that made the list of requirements "must be an ex-Dodger" and "must know how to win".
  • Interviewed Cleveland 3B coach Joel Skinner.
  • Also interviewed Mets bench coach Manny Acta.
• Having settled on Grady Little, the Dodgers proceeded unto the $40M/3-year contract for Rafael Furcal, he of the annular strain in his back.
• Colletti, not content to have one fragile, old player on his roster, signed two from the Boston Red Sox, Bill Mueller and Nomar Garciaparra, the latter to play out-of-position at first. Garciaparra hasn't had more than 350 at bats in two years, mainly because of various durability issues. Worse, Garciaparra was actually out-hit by Hee Seop Choi, the man he replaced.
• The Dodgers got Kenny Lofton as a free agent.
• At last, Colletti signed perennial fifth-starter Brett Tomko, traded Duaner Sanchez for what looks like a shiny penny (not the ucased-Brad) in Jae Seo, and inexplicably traded Edwin Jackson and Chuck Tiffany for Danys Baez and Lance Carter.

In all, it was the most forgettable offseason the Dodgers have had since their disastrous 2003/2004, in which Frank's lily-livered efforts at placating Bud Selig prevented the name Vladimir Guerrero from being penciled into the team's roster every day. (Update: What's amazing is that they've really only had two under Frank McCourt's direct thumb.) Larry Dobrow of sportsline.com wrote that the thusly assembled team was "Not unlike an elephant attempting to mate with a ceiling fan, the parts don't fit." This has been easily the most dispiriting team ever assembled in my history as a Dodger fan; old, fragile, yet full of stars who would superficially appeal to customers possessing a vague familiarity with the game and its luminaries. Just as with my first girlfriend, you discover quickly what to avoid before handing out emotional commitments to someone else, or in this case, to a team that seems destined to break your heart if you believe in it.

And so to the games. I didn't hear the first game because of more problems at MLB Gameday Audio; and the second I watched after the end of the rainout of the Angels game at AT&T Park. By the time I got there, it was subs and scrubsville, and nobody of note played for either side. Tomorrow, the Freeway Series, and the meaningful games beyond that. But I foresee a long season. In the Dodgers front office, there's creationism, and then there's creationism.

Astros 11, Dodgers 3
Seattle 4, Dodgers 3

Update: Thanks for the link back, LA Observed.